The Circle of Life

Lately I have truly learned the meaning of the phrase "The Circle of Life" and I'm not talking about the movie, The Lion King. I mean the point at which we become adults. Again, I don't mean the 18th birthday.

I have memories that make me feel like they starting point of my life. Sure, we all have vague recognition of memories from before that time due to hearing stories of our childhood repeatedly or seeing pictures but there is always one beginning place. I don't have a set age, per say but it seems like it all began when I was a small child. My grandmother must have been in her mid 60s which would put my mom at her mid to late 30s, maybe right around 40. This is the point where Grandma was completely 100% independent and could do most anything she wanted on her own - obviously within reason. Soon after, we began seeing Grandma slowly decline, fortunately all physical and nothing mental health wise. She suffered from arthritis and would eventually need hip and knee replacements. Any kind of surgery in that matter takes a major toll on your body. Life just doesn't seem as easy as it was. Things changed. Responsibilities changed.

Fast forward 30 years and change the cast members from that to now be my mom and myself. Life is completely different, but not necessarily bad. I find myself now helping and doing for mom as she did for Grandma for so many years. I have a memory of someone telling me that my mom promised my Grandpa Dison on his death bed that she would forever take care of Grandma. And let me just say, she did an absolutely amazing job.

Mom and I have often talked about all the days that she used to keep Noah for me in the afternoons. It was her way of being able to repay Grandma for all the days of letting me stay with her while mom worked. Mom was helping me in the very same ways that Grandma helped her. Now it is my turn. Was I necessarily ready to cross this bridge, no, not at all. Are we ever ready for something like this, no never! But do we have a choice - of course not!

I sat in an ER with my sweet momma a few weeks ago after she reinjured her back. It was during those hours of sitting, waiting, dwelling, pondering what life would now look like. How different it really must become. The point of the circle where the roles change and the child becomes the adult and the adult becomes the child. It was the (tough) reality that a lot of mom's independence has slowly disappeared. It was the reality of listening to her cry as she learned that she would have to make some hard life decisions. The reality of making everyday life living hard. The moments of the "quick run to the grocery store" is gone. The moments of sitting in the floor and letting her grandsons wrestle with her were gone. Even the enjoyable afternoons of walking the mall just for fun had vanished. Moments of needing help cleaning the bathtub had arrived. The simple task of sweeping the kitchen and the front porch would now require additional hands. Grocery shopping had become a 2 person task - one pushing the buggy while mom maneuvered a wheelchair. The financial comforts from a part time job may be gone because it would no longer be feasible to work the job. The anger that goes with it. The anger from the life changes of the past year -- the anger of realizing where responsibilities now fall. The

The circle that quickly changed directions when we were not even looking.

~Randi