Finding a new normal

One year ago this week my life changed in a drastic way. A situation that I never expected to go through, especially as an adult. I think as a child, I noticed several friends going through a similar situation and was very thankful that I knew I would not go through this. Now, going through it, I think it would have been easier going through it as a child. Unknowing to the truth and pain.

My world was rocked the day that I found out my parents would be getting a divorce. How in the world was I supposed to process this piece of information that would now consume my every day thoughts.

A loving marriage that I had watched for 33 years, one that I had looked to as an example for my own was shattered into a million pieces. How would we ever put the pieces back together. There would never be enough glue.

How in the world would life go forward with this. It did not make any sense in my head. Christmas would be different. Birthdays would be uncomfortable. Lunch and dinner outings would cease to exist. I was assured that life would go as normal and that my boys would know no difference.

Yet I doubted that statement, a year later my sweet children remain innocent to the truth. I am not saying, by any means that it has been an easy year. It is just by the grace of God that we have successfully made it through the first year of finding a new normal. There have been many many bad days but we have had successful days as well. It is very hard as an adult to see and understand the hurt and pain my parents are enduring. The days of tears. The days of having to face the truth to friends who are clueless. The days of putting on that mask of happy when you are truthfully crumbling on the inside. The days that you do not have a bandaid big enough to wrap your heart and keep it from hurting.

The night I found out the truth was one of the hardest days ever in my life. I was devastated. Crushed. Went to bed with tears flowing from my eyes. Woke with red puffy eyes, yet certain that I had just experienced a nightmare in my dream. Certain that it wasn't true, until I noticed the left over cup on the kitchen counter from Noah's outing with Ree Ree and Uncle Jamie that night before. Reality hit me that morning that it wasn't a nightmare. It was the truth. I had no choice but face this. It kind of felt like someone had died and I would be forced to go on with life without them.

Nothing that I could say or do could fix this situation. My hurt and my anger would not solve the problem. A helpless feeling with no choices!

I have prayed and prayed for God to heal this situation. Instead he has given me the strength and power to wake up each morning. He has given me the ears to listen as both of my parents speak to me. He has given me to words to say to people who are unknowing of the situation.

I have clung to the verse Keith and I have chosen as our family verse (as I have posted it here before)
   
         Romans 9:17 "...I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

God has brought us through every trial thus far and he will see us through this one as well. We will find a new normal. He will lead us and keep us from falling. When we feel like we are falling, he lifts us up. It is ok to have bad days. I pray that the bad days will be overseen by good days.

~Randi